Stophavingthe samefuckingfight.
Three hours. Bring us the conflict you can’t resolve.
We’ll help you get underneath it, reach each other where you usually lose each other, and experience what happens when the fight finally goes somewhere different.
You love each other. And you are fucking done with the way conflict keeps taking over your relationship.
Done with the blowups. The shutdowns. The same argument in a different outfit.
Done losing an entire night—or an entire weekend—to something that started over dishes, money, sex, the kids, a tone of voice.
For some couples, there’s still plenty of love, laughter, sex, and connection between the fights.
For others, the fighting has taken a bigger toll. You’re resentful. You barely touch. You don’t know if you’re still in love.
You do not have to know how this ends before you come.
You just have to know you’re not willing to keep doing it like this.
Bring us the place where you keep losing each other. Let’s find out what’s actually possible between you.
Not because you learn to argue better.
Not because you memorize better communication tools or get really good at catching yourselves before you’re triggered.
Because you learn how to get somewhere completely different inside the moment where you normally lose each other.
Underneath the anger, defensiveness, shutdown, blame, and how are we fucking here again? is something neither of you has been able to reach.
That’s where we go.
And when you finally get there, the whole fight changes. You stop trying so hard to make your partner understand. You actually reach them.
And the energy that used to become conflict can become connection, relief, intimacy—and sometimes desire you thought you’d lost.
This canactuallybecomedifferent.
You don’t need less intensity. You need to know what to do with it.
You’re angry because something matters.
You shut down because something matters.
You keep coming back to the same goddamn issue because something in you is still trying to get through.
Most couples spend years fighting about the surface.
And meanwhile, the thing underneath all of it never actually gets met.
We don’t teach you to care less. We don’t ask you to become calmer, nicer versions of yourselves.
We help you get underneath the fight and use all that energy to actually reach each other.
The problem isn’t that there’s too much between you. It’s that so much of it keeps turning into conflict.
Bring us the fight you can’t get out of.
The place where you keep losing each other.
Three uninterrupted hours gives us time to slow that moment down, get underneath what is actually happening between you, and help you do something genuinely different with it.
You won’t spend three hours talking about your relationship. You’ll work inside the relationship itself.
The moment one of you usually pushes harder and the other disappears.
And with us there, you get to find out what happens when the same two people, with the same history and the same big feelings, stop arriving at the same ending.
What can change in three hours?
Not just what you’re arguing about. What is actually happening between the two of you.
The thing you haven’t been able to say. The thing your partner hasn’t been able to hear. The thing you keep trying to reach through all the anger.
This is not about getting better at explaining yourselves.
It’s about having the experience of your partner actually getting you. And discovering that you can get them too.
The intensity doesn’t disappear. It changes form.
Relief. Affection. Honesty. Play. Desire. The feeling of being on the same fucking team again.
Not just, “Wow, that was powerful.”
You begin to understand what happened between you—and what made something different possible. So you have somewhere new to go the next time the old pattern starts pulling you in.
This is for you if...
You love each other and fight way more than you want to.
You’ve gotten frighteningly good at having the exact same argument. You know your pattern inside and out—and still can’t stop it once you’re in it.
You’ve done therapy. Read the books. Learned your attachment styles. Practiced communicating better. And somehow, when it really matters, all of that disappears.
There’s resentment now. Distance. Sex has become rare, complicated, or nonexistent.
You’re tired enough that part of you has started wondering whether this relationship can actually give you what you need.
You do not need to be on the brink for this work to matter. And you do not need to pretend things are better than they are.
Are both of you willing to show up and find out whether something different is possible here?
If yes, we have somewhere to start.
We know something about intensity.
We’re Ilya & Julia.
We’ve been together for 15 years. We love each other fiercely. And we’ve had fights that made absolutely no fucking sense for two people with 25 combined years as therapists.
We knew all the communication tools.
They weren’t enough.
What changed our marriage wasn’t learning how to be calmer, nicer, or less intense. It was learning how to take the enormous amount of energy between us—the anger, hurt, longing, love, desire—and use it to actually reach each other.
That changed our marriage.
And eventually, it changed our work.
We closed our therapy practices to devote ourselves fully to Transformative Listening—relationship coaching, education, and the community we’ve built around this work.
Transformative Listening grew out of what we discovered together:
Conflict doesn’t have to be where connection ends. It can be where something much deeper begins.
“We sat there for three hours and it changed the course of our entire life, our entire marriage, our whole family.”
They came to the work two years into separating, after trying multiple approaches.
The Relationship Breakthrough Session
Three uninterrupted hours.
Just the two of you and us. Live on Zoom, together in the same room somewhere private.
Bring the issue that keeps taking you down. We’ll work with what is actually happening between you until we get somewhere you haven’t been able to get yourselves.
We stand behind this work. All the way.
We’ve seen what happens in these three hours enough times to put our name on it. If you walk out and it didn’t deliver, tell us and we’ll refund every dollar. No questions asked.
Your job is to show up.
Questions you might still have
Couples therapy is $150 to $300 an hour. Why would we spend $3,000 on three hours?+
If what you need is ongoing weekly support, find an excellent couples therapist.
This is different.
Many couples already understand their patterns. They know who pursues, who withdraws, and exactly how the fight unfolds.
And they’re still having it.
This intensive is designed for the place where insight hasn’t been enough: for the fight to end differently, for your partner to finally understand what hasn’t been getting through, and for you to experience what genuine resolution feels like.
Three uninterrupted hours gives us the depth to make that possible.
You leave closer, knowing what created the shift, and with the foundations of a skill that can transform how you meet each other when it matters most.
Can three hours really change something we’ve been dealing with for years?+
The goal isn’t to resolve every issue in three hours.
It’s to create the breakthrough that hasn’t happened in years.
You leave having reached each other where you normally lose each other, understanding what made the difference, and knowing what comes next.
For some couples, that changes the trajectory on its own. For others, it becomes the foundation for more substantial work.
Either way, something real has moved.
We’ve already tried couples therapy. Why would this be any different?+
That’s exactly why many couples come to us.
They have insight. They know their patterns. They may even have good tools for communicating better or keeping things from escalating.
But when the hurt is real, they still can’t reach each other.
Our work is designed to change that. We help you experience what it is like for upset to lead somewhere different: not just back to baseline, but toward connection, closeness, and growth.
And we teach you the principles that made that shift possible, so you can begin applying them whenever one of you is hurting.
This isn’t only about fighting less.
It’s about becoming more alive through your relationship.
What if one of us is skeptical?+
That’s fine.
You don’t both need to arrive convinced. You both need to show up and be willing to participate.
Guarded is fine. Tired of trying is fine. So is “I’ll do it, but I don’t think it’ll work.” If one of you tends to shut down, that’s not a dealbreaker either.
What doesn’t work is one person dragging the other onto the call after they’ve already decided they’re done.
If there’s still some part of both of you that wants to know what’s possible here, we have something to work with.
What if we’re already talking about divorce?+
You don’t need to know whether you’re staying married before you come.
Not knowing may be exactly why you come.
Many couples talking about divorce haven’t fallen out of love. They’ve fallen out of reach. After years of the same fight, or the same silence, they can no longer find each other through the resentment.
From inside that experience, leaving can feel like the only move.
We’re not going to talk you into staying.
We’re going to help you get beneath the resentment and protection and make genuine contact with each other again. From there, you can discover what is still alive between you and whether it can be rebuilt.
Then you can make the decision from a place of contact and clarity, rather than from inside the pattern that has been driving you apart.
What if our relationship isn’t that bad?+
You don’t have to wait until somebody’s packing a suitcase.
Your relationship might already be fucking great.
The house works. The kids are good. The business is growing. You still go on vacation together. You may genuinely be happy.
And you can still fight more than you want to. Miss each other in places that matter. Or know there’s a deeper level of closeness, intimacy, and aliveness available between you.
You don’t need a crisis to have something worth working on.
If you’re growth-oriented, this work isn’t only a way to resolve conflict. It’s a way to expand your capacity for closeness, intimacy, emotional range, wellbeing, and personal transformation.
Your relationship becomes more than something you maintain. It becomes one of the primary ways both of you come more fully alive.
What if we spend $3,000 and nothing happens?+
Then don’t pay for it.
If at the end of the session you don’t feel it was worth the investment, tell us.
We’ll refund it. No questions asked.
We’re comfortable putting the risk on us.
You just have to be willing to show up and do the work.
You do not have to keep losing each other.
Bring us the fight that keeps taking you down.
Let’s find out what happens when the fight finally goes somewhere new.
Less fighting. More reaching each other. More honesty. More intimacy. More desire. More of the relationship you’ve been trying so fucking hard to get to.