Stopwastingall thatfireon fighting.
You don’t need less intensity. You need to know what to do with it.
We help couples transform the energy of conflict into deeper connection, more intimacy, and a relationship that feels fucking alive.
The problemisn’t the fire.It’s where it goes.
You love each other. You want to feel close. You want to want each other. But somehow all that love, longing, frustration, and desire keeps turning into fights that leave you hurt, furious, shut down—or wondering how the hell you got here again.
You’re not fighting because you don’t care. You’re fighting because something matters.
You want to be heard. Understood. Wanted. Met. You want to feel like you’re on the same fucking team.
But all that energy keeps getting lost in the fight.
Transformative Listening gives it somewhere else to go.
Not because you’ve learned to stay calm, choose your words perfectly, or avoid the things that set each other off.
Because you finally know how to get to what the fight is actually about—and what to do when you get there.
Anger. Hurt. Longing. Desire. The parts of you that used to make your partner pull away can become the places you feel most deeply met.
You get to bring more of yourself. And actually have it land.
Into affection. Play. Sex. The things you want to create. The life you want to live.
Less energy spent fighting each other. More energy for each other.
“Where before it was like he’s the cage that my bird is trapped in and I just need to get away… that turned into, he is the gravity that’s allowing me to fucking soar in this lifetime.”
They came to the work two years into separating, after trying multiple approaches.
Ready to do something different with all that fire?
Bring us the fight you can’t get out of.
You don’t need to figure out who’s right. You don’t need to clean it up first. And you definitely don’t need to promise you’ll both stay calm.
Bring us the place where you keep losing each other.
The Relationship Breakthrough Session
Three hours. Just the two of you and us.
We’ll help you get underneath the fight, reach each other where you usually lose each other, and experience what all that intensity can become when it stops working against you.
We know something about intensity.
We’re Ilya & Julia.
We’ve been together for 15 years. We love each other fiercely. And we’ve had fights that made absolutely no fucking sense for two people with 25 combined years as therapists.
We knew all the communication tools.
They weren’t enough.
What changed our marriage wasn’t learning how to be calmer, nicer, or less intense.
It was learning how to take the enormous amount of energy between us—the anger, hurt, longing, love, desire—and use it to actually reach each other.
That changed our marriage.
And eventually, it changed our work.
We closed our therapy practices to devote ourselves fully to Transformative Listening—this work, and the community we’ve built around it.
Transformative Listening grew out of what we discovered together:
Conflict doesn’t have to be where connection ends. It can be where something much deeper begins.
“We were on the brink of divorce. Transformative Listening was our Hail Mary. We’re well beyond where we thought we’d ever get.”
Christina and Robert describe renewed affection, alongside changes in parenting, friendship, and their sense of themselves.
You get yourrelationshipback.
Not some calmer, more reasonable version of it.
The one with heat. Play. Desire. Honesty. The feeling that this person is actually with you in your life.
You already have the fire. Let’s put it somewhere better.
Less fighting. More reaching each other. More desire. More of the relationship you keep trying to get to.
The Connection Amplifier Call
90 minutes to make one part of your relationship work a hell of a lot better.
Each live call takes on one real part of relationship and blows open the way you’ve been thinking about it—then gives you a taste of Transformative Listening so you can experience the difference, not just understand it.
Stay in the loop.
Occasional notes from us on fighting, desire, and what to do with all that fire. First word on retreats, workshops, and the free Connection Amplifier Call. Leave whenever you like.
You’re in. Talk soon.